A letter from Netflix to the World (by way of me)

Dear World,

Netflix and I have given it some thought and we feel that a certain issue needs to be addressed. I will attempt to clarify the role of “Netflix” because it appears there is some questions about what that means. Netflix and I, like many people, were saddened to hear about the cancelling of Futurama.

The opening title card for Futurama

You will be missed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was one of my favorite shows and if Netflix had a face with eyes and ears it would have also been a big fan of the show as well. I know it’s hard parting with a show that has been with us for so long (although it has happened before), but I’m confident we will get through this. If Netflix and I had it our way, Futurama would be renewed for 1000 years. That’s a fact. Unfortunately, Netflix does NOT have that power. It’s hands are tied to two twin snakes: licensing and profitability. Neither of which a feed by keeping Futurama alive.

That should be obvious but apparently some fans of Futurama think that Netflix can just magically buy the show and start production immediately on a new season. That is not the case. Netflix doesn’t have that power but we also want to make it clear that it is not in any way, shape, or form, interested in acquiring Futurama. It was cancelled for a reason. It’s a great show, but no one liked it. It may have been at its creative zenith and given a few more seasons could have reached peaks that would have changed the lives of everyone, possibly even creating world peace through its message of witty, referential storytelling. But no one watched it. If Futurama’s episodes were heading in that direction I cannot begin to speculate because again, I, like most people, simply did NOT watch Futurama. Nor would I watch more than perhaps a half of an episode were it to be placed on Netflix with all new episodes. You wouldn’t either.

Netflix and I don’t want to seem too harsh but come on guys! It is a business and paying millions of dollars for every niche TV show that gets cancelled on a major network that has a few fans left is not what we would call a “gold mine”. Many of these shows were cancelled for a reason. If you are afraid of missing your favorite cancelled show, let me point out that many are destined to be syndicated on the channels you mostly skip over while going between better channels, look there first.

I shouldn’t even have to say it, it makes me physically ill to even type this, but I have to: not every show on TV is Arrested Development. Arrested Development was a great show, with great actors, great writing and great performances. “Flashforward” was a convoluted mess that no one wanted to watch. Netflix will NOT be saving “Flashforward”. It will not save “Ugly Betty”, it will CERTAINLY NOT save “Ben and Kate”. The fact that we (Netflix and I) have to even use the word “save” is misleading. Netflix looks for quality, unique programming to produce and isn’t affiliated with the Red Cross. Stop treating it as such. Also, again, “Ben and Kate” will never be saved.

Arrested Development (season 3)

Not pictured: Ben and Kate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Instead, Netflix and I are prepared to offer great, new, original programming coming directly to your living rooms to watch at your convenience. Are you into political intrigue and seeing Kevin Spacey naked? Check out Season 1 of “House of Cards”! Are you ready to get lost in the spine chilling, creepy town of “Hemlock Grove”? Did you make the “there’s money in the banana stand” joke to friends and family for five straight years until no one would return your calls? “Arrested Development” is on its way!

Notice no where did we mention an under-watched, sagging, bad sitcom that no one will miss in two weeks after the new slate of bad sitcoms are announced for next season. But all hope is not lost for your favorite cancelled show! Even though Netflix and I are categorically opposed to playing the role of graverobber might we remind you that Kickstarter has shown promising results.

Veronica Mars - Season 3

Veronica Mars seen here laughing at the people who funded her movie on Kickstarter(Photo credit: the_ml)

So stop coming to us with every show you personally find unjustly cancelled and expect us to spend money on it. We can’t even be bothered to put Season 2 of Downton Abbey on Instant for goodness sake! Although we totally should.

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4 comments

  1. mark

    Arrested Development got canned for a real reason no one watched it it fucking sucked and i as well as many others was happy to see it go,

  2. BenderisGreat

    I loved Futurama, that and the Simpsons are by far my two favorite shows, sadly The Simpsons hasn’t and more than likely never will make it to Netflix, so Futurama was on constant rotation, EVERY episode, that’s what a fan does; you learn to love the new stuff just like you learned to love the classics. That being said, “Arrested Development”? Really? I will die having not watched a single scene from that show, mostly because of “great actors” like Jason Bateman, who I personally cannot stand. I wouldn’t say that nobody watches him, he wouldn’t keep getting work if that were true, I just can’t stand him. And Futurama has more seasons than the other, so obviously somebody watched it. In much the same way that people have hated on Netflix for not carrying a show, you’re hating on a show that you personally don’t like, claiming “nobody watched it”. Thanks for the biased truth;)

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