The 3 most awful movies (all came out this year)

The razzies, think Oscars but for terrible, horrible, awful movies, have to be getting worried. It’s not every year that there are such a plethora of terrible, horrible, awful movies to choose from. Usually its just a matter of googling what Adam Sandler has been up to and giving him the lion’s share of trophies. This year may have to be different. This year is four months in and already has three movies that deserve the coveted “worst picture of the year” award, and each is so uniquely awful that Adam Sandler needn’t be worried about his latest project even being mentioned.

Without further ado, I will present to you the cream of the crap:

Movie 43

What hurts the most about Movie 43 is its deception. Here is a movie with a huge, mostly trusted, cast of big name stars and directors. What could go wrong? A lot actually if, as a writer, actor, or director, you forget to put in any other jokes other than poop ones (I’m ignoring the racist ones because it’s not the worst offender on this list). When a trailer like that comes out you are led to believe you are getting what you see and more but Movie 43 fails to deliver the “and more” part, and ends up with a scattered (again, emphasis on “scat”), nonsensical abuse of the audiences trust.

InAPPropriate Comedy

I hesitate to even call this a movie, so bad was the delivery of this film. Let me stress that the only comedy in this film was the word written into the title. Unlike Movie 43, InAPPropriate comedy never seemed like it could be anything remotely funny. Its inclusion on this list is due to its existence at all. It’s inexplicable that anyone, from writer to producer to actor to set designer to studio head to catering service working on the set would think that this movie was worth making. It’s not surprising that the Shamwow guy made the film using his own money, its surprising that anyone else invested time or money in it as well. You could ALMOST justify making this as a straight to DVD walmart bin filler but the fact that it made it into theaters is outrageous. It’s also one of the most racist/sexist/homophobic film to come out in recent memory. A historically racist film such as Birth of the Nation is at least sincere and upfront about it being racist, the crime of InAPPropriate comedy is it’s implicit justification that it isn’t racist because its just joking around and playing with inherent stereotypes (YOU KNOW, LIKE BORAT), but its so far off that mark that what’s left is not a clever expose on the audience’s inherent prejudices but a pathetic two hour exposure of the filmmaker’s.

Scary Movie 5

It’s not out yet but if you watched the trailer (if you didn’t I don’t blame you, it’s rough) you know what you’re getting yourself into. Scary Movie 5 is less movie, more paycheck for court fees, legal counsel, and Public Relations agents employed by Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and the other actors who I couldn’t even justify googling to find a name for. Stale jokes abound. Lindsay Lohan has legal troubles! Charlie Sheen is crazy! That will be $9 dollars please. It’s possible that the writers of Scary Movie 5 are really this bad but I have a theory that they simply took all the stuff left on the editing room floor of other terrible films and combined it into this crime against nature. The worst part is its pretty obvious even the crew on the film were going through a crisis of conscience about making it, and it shows. The sound, lighting and picture quality look about what you’d expect if your Key Grip hung himself just off camera leaving behind a wife and kids but no note. Also Katt Williams is in it.

The silver lining in all of this is that unlike past winners of the Razzies, none of these movies seem capable of making a profit at the box office (Movie 43 managed to just barely, probably on the name recognition of the actors whose careers it just ruined). If 2013 is the high water mark of truly awful theatrical releases then it also appears to be the all time low in audience tolerance of its kind. How does the old adage go? Fool me once, shame on you. Release InAPPropriate comedy, expect box office disaster.

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